Why I hated myself

   Why I hated myself

Hi, Thanks for stopping by

It is time for me to take over my life, get out of my comfort zone and follow where my heart is telling me to go. Being creative gave me a new look at life. It took me a long time to discover how to love myself and accept who I am.

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I didn’t understand why me, so I hated myself for it. It was hard growing up because people made fun of my impairment. The kids didn’t want to talk and play with me. I felt so empty, miserable, and alone. I hated myself so much to the stage I was in a dark place it felt like I was in a dark black hole. I couldn’t get out, see anything and anyone but me in the dark place, where I hear people saying so many mean things about me. I kept everything inside my heart.

I will never forget the day I visited this school. There were so many other disabled children, some of them were mentally disabled and couldn’t speak and others were physically disabled and couldn’t walk. I look around me and realized that we all were created to be different for a purpose; it wouldn’t be a fun world and learn from each other if everyone was born the same.

Since I was afraid to do anything and also be able to communicate with people because I was to scare that others wouldn’t accept me since I was different. I was that young lady that was afraid to walk and front of people because I was wondering what are they saying about me while I’m walking.

I shut myself in a room building a list of things to do to see what I was good at, what things make me happy. When I’m sewing, buying fabric, and designing I feel like I’m in my own universe.

The first garment I ever sewed had people come up to me questioning me where did I get that garment. I told them I made it myself. That’s the day I realized I found my gift that serves me to communicate with all kinds of people and it changes my life.

Being different is a good thing; everyone delivers his or her own special gift. The greatest gift I ever gave myself, I learn to love me, stay positive, and I was grateful to still have the ability to manage things for myself. We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves at the final staged, we have to embrace who we are. The one particular gift we could ever give ourselves is to love who we are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A place to clear your mind. Dress design by me, Floral black print.

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37 Comments

  1. It is true – we all have something to contribute to the world. Unfortunately, many focus on what is wrong instead of looking to what is right. Thanks for sharing!

  2. I’m so sorry you have had to deal with so much. You have special gifts that no one else does though, so don’t ever let stuff that’s not in your control define you! 🙂
    Elizabeth | Confidentlyelegant.com

  3. Very happy you’ve come to terms with who you are now but was also difficult reading about childhood at school and trying to isolate yourself. Your dress is beautiful – you are truly skilful!

  4. Great empowering story. You are finding your meaning and from the looks of your dress you are great at what you do! All the luck!

  5. You are so brave for sharing this with us, thank you for that! It’s a huge step, I’m pretty sure big things are waiting for you, don’t be afraid to take them! Go get it girl <3

  6. This post is so incredibly empowering. I don’t have a visible disability, but I know what it feels like to feel different to the point of being hated..to the point of not feeling like I’m even human. I have struggled to feel like I belong, and like you, creativity has been my saving grace.
    If you see this before Fri the 16th on 9pm PST-would you be interested in adding this to my link-up themed “The Art of Recovery?” I’d be honored to have this lovely post included. bettysbattleground.com Off-Fridays week 3 if you’re interested <3

  7. I LOVE your line about being different and how it is a good thing. I have had to have a lot of self talk with this with myself, and one of my best friends gave me the same advice…that everyone has their own gifts to offer, and without being different this world would be a very boring, unproductive place!

    Thank you for your post!

  8. Your post is so touching. I think everyone has something that they don’t like about themselves. When someone like you puts your story out there, it helps to put things in perspective. We should all be grateful for what we are blessed with ~ including our own challenges. Your dress is lovely. Thanks so much for sharing.

  9. I was fighting back tears reading this. Your story is awesome and you are so brave to be so open and transparent! I really appreciate someone that is honest with themselves about themselves and then can also be honest with others. Good luck with everthing! You are special and you have a purpose and destiny on this earth! I pray that that is revealed to you more and more!

  10. Thank you for sharing your story! I love your positive attitude and how you have been able to rise above your challenges. There are so many cruel people, don’t let them get you down.
    Love the dress! You truly have a gift!

  11. Thank you for sharing your story. I don’t have cerebral palsy but I do have fibromyalgia and celiac disease, and I’ve also hated my body – and myself at times – for being different. Like you say, though, it’s so important to realize that difference can be a blessing in disguise. And beyond your skill at sewing and design, being able to empower others by sharing your story is definitely one blessing!

  12. Great article. I could relate to much of what you said. I was born with spina bifida. It helps to talk about it. Sharing your story may help others to try something they never thought they could. You have such spirit. Thank you for this great post.

  13. Impressing post! Luckily I’m not disabled both mentally and physically. ButI couldn’t fit in class mates and spent time alone when I was primary school child. I was afraid of people as well.
    Some people criticized me because I m different from the other people even after I grew up. I was sad about that and didn’t have a confidence as all.
    But at some point in my life, I decided to believe my self and keep living on my own way. Now I’m really proud of my self. I always say to my self that I’m amazing. If you like, read my blog, Change our life through adventure. I started this blog change my life following the worldtravel by myself. I hope that my blog can encourage many people like you and me in the past.

  14. I am feeling extremely blessed to have connected with and read your post today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing a part of your journey with us. I am doing a happy dance about the last paragraph and know you will inspire so many people to love and accept themselves, just as they are. And your dress is stunning!

  15. First off, you are so so brave! Second, the fact that you designed that dress is amazing! You go girl!

    xx,

    Lacey

  16. So basically you remained alone(true forced loneliness) and decided to invest large amounts of time doing things you’re passionate about.Thats awesome

  17. I appreciate you sharing this story. So inspiring. I think that we often feel as though being different as something “bad” when there is really so much beauty in it. You are so beautiful for you differences. Your talents.

  18. This is wonderful! I really appreciate this story it is inspirational to me because I too have struggled with accepting who I am! there are days when I’m constantly down on myself but you’ve given me a new way of looking at it! thank you!

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