Why I hated myself

   Why I hated myself

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New Look

It is time for me to take over my life, get out of my comfort zone and follow where my heart is telling me to go. Being creative gave me a new look at life. It took me a long time to discover how to love myself and accept who I am.

When I was a kid, I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I didn’t understand why me, so I hated myself for it. It was hard growing up because people made fun of my impairment. The kids didn’t want to talk and play with me. I felt so empty, miserable, and alone. I hated myself so much to the stage I was in a dark place it felt like I was in a dark black hole. I couldn’t get out, see anything and anyone but me in the dark place, where I hear people saying so many mean things about me. I kept everything inside my heart.

I will never forget the day I visited this school. There were so many other disabled children, some of them were mentally disabled and couldn’t speak and others were physically disabled and couldn’t walk. I look around me and realized that we all were created to be different for a purpose; it wouldn’t be a fun world and learn from each other if everyone was born the same.

Since I was afraid to do anything and also be able to communicate with people because I was to scare that others wouldn’t accept me since I was different. I was that young lady that was afraid to walk and front of people because I was wondering what are they saying about me while I’m walking.

I shut myself in a room building a list of things to do to see what I was good at, what things make me happy. When I’m sewing, buying fabric, and designing I feel like I’m in my own universe.

The first garment I ever sewed had people come up to me questioning me where did I get that garment. I told them I made it myself. That’s the day I realized I found my gift that serves me to communicate with all kinds of people and it changes my life.

Being different is a good thing; everyone delivers his or her own special gift. The greatest gift I ever gave myself, I learn to love me, stay positive, and I was grateful to still have the ability to manage things for myself. We all have things that we don’t like about ourselves at the final staged, we have to embrace who we are. The one particular gift we could ever give ourselves is to love who we are.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A place to clear your mind. Dress design by me, Floral black print.

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